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I’m a big fan of the Joyo American Sound effect pedal. (JF-14)

24 Sep

joyoamericansound“American Sound reproduces the sound of a Fender 57 Deluxe amp, which performs great from clean, driven, and everywhere in between.” So says Joyo.

I can’t argue with that. It’s a great amp emulator/cab simulator. Up until a few days ago I had three reasons for my American Sound love affair:

  • I can put it toward the end of a pedal board (before reverb!) and then patch the board straight to the JamHub (basically a mixer) and get good, amp-ish sound without an amp.
  • Costs about $28 including shipping (Try eBay.)
  • Lots of tone options from tube-ish clean to crunchy drive. 3-band EQ. Etc.

But I found a new reason to like the JF-14.

I had my Electro-Faustus Drone Thing plugged into one of my American Sound-equipped pedal boards last week and noticed that the Drone Thing’s usually very responsive (Read: danger of clipping) volume knob wasn’t doing much. Was it broken? Then, after some fiddling I realized that the American Sound was acting as a hard limiter of sorts.

It didn’t matter how I turned knobs on any pedal before it in the signal chain; the output level coming from the Drone Thing/pedal board remained fairly consistent. No more clipping.

I already had two American Sound pedals. I bought a third.

With a mic?

I’m contemplating running a microphone through one to see what happens. I don’t have enough compressor channels for every mic, and the JamHub’s recordings sometimes skip when a singer is pegging a mic into the red. These pedals are way cheaper (and easier to operate) than a compressor, but I’m concerned about going from the more desirable balanced XLR to the high impedance quarter-inch. Hmmm.

Potential Caveats

I haven’t tested to see exactly how stringent the American Sound’s limiting is. That might matter, sometimes. E.g if you want to use a pedal earlier in the chain to significantly boost for a loud section, or to subdue a quieter part of a song. …Too much compression will limit dynamics.

I’ll whip out the db meter and get some figures. Eventually.

My Only Complaint

This pedal’s paint job could easily get it a mention on /r/crappydesign. “AMERSOUNDICAN”? Who thought that looked good? Knob labels in a cutesy font, ALLCAPS, slanting this way and that isn’t helpful or legible either.

Joyo American Sound To-Do List

  1. Test with microphone (DONE: see comments)
  2. Test limits of, um, it’s limiter
  3. New paint job
  4. Keep making noise

Thanks for reading.


Dan Dreifort reviews effect pedals, blogs about UX, SEO, petty infosec, and other stuff. He’s a fan of San Diego noise collective Synth Band Dot Com.

New Pedal – JHS Kill Gaze!

18 Sep
JHS Kill Gays Pedal

Another classic shoegaze sound-mangler from JHS!

Great new JHS shoegaze guitar effects pedal. Dial it in using five different controls over the Kill Gaze.

Ah… Just kidding. Though JHS did sell a Shoegazer mod, they didn’t actually make the JHS Kill Gaze pedal. It’s pure parody. I’ll clarify early on that I’m not insinuating JHS wants to kill gays. Nor does its founder (we think). But as fellow members of my election issues group know, I like to follow the money.

I was going to provide several links to details of how and why many sensible people are opposed to JHS Pedals because they say JHS Pedals founder Joshua Heath Scott long-attended services at and helped fund an evangelical Christian hate group (IHOPKC) allegedly one of the many responsible for spreading anti-homosexual hate in the USA, Uganda, and elsewhere in Africa. Hate that, like Yoda says, leads to the murders of countless innocent people.

But you can Google about JHS and homosexuality on your own time. Or not.

There’s no denying Joshua Heath Scott’s (former?) church is staunchly anti-gay; the pastor unequivocally blames LGBTQ for opening portals to the demonic realm, amongst other not-very-love-thy-neighbory bits.

Is it OK to patronize companies if their principal officers are associated with hate?

Companies associated with would-be sheep like Josh H Scott will not get my money, lest they keep giving theirs to the wolves of the “Christian” army somewhat effectively outlawing homosexuality and other LGBTQ stuff in Africa and elsewhere. These are not Jesusy actions. Not even close. Even an accusation of queerness can lead to murder, whether it’s state-sanctioned or “Christian” mob justice.

JHS Kill Gaze Pedal - custom shop design

Hand-painted limited edition Kill Gaze. Sure, it costs a little more, but it helps to quickly convey how you feel about the gaze.

I won’t put a JHS pedal on my pedal boards. If you gave me a JHS pedal, I’d scrap it for parts and make something new. (Oh yeah, some people also say that JHS steals other pedal company’s ideas. If you care – I don’t – I’ll let you look into that on your own.)

So, what grinds my gears? Plenty. But close to the top of the list is veiled, hateful monsters masquerading as Christians (or as adherents of any religion). I know many great, loving Christians. How do I know they’re Christians? Not just because they say they are. Because they also act way more like Jesus than the next fella. They care about the poor. They see past borders. They love regardless of skin tone. They would never give their money if they thought for even a second that it would lead to hurting innocent people in the name of God, or otherwise. If they found they were supporting a hateful group by mistake, they’d renounce it. Coincidentally, that describes plenty of non-Christians too. You know: non-assholes.

JHS pedals should endeavor to convince would-be customers that proceeds from JHS pedal purchases won’t go toward hate groups. Unfortunately, founder Josh Scott gets some of those proceeds and he has a history of associating with hateful groups, so, good luck with that.

jhs-fb-msg-A friend on fb sent a note to Josh today asking him why he hasn’t publicly renounced IHOPKC’s very public anti-gay propaganda. I’ll let you know what he says, and modify this post accordingly. …Hopefully, considerably. I truly hope he’s the good guy he says he is. But without renouncing his connections to those who preach gay=demon, I don’t believe it.

 

 

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Dan Dreifort consults on UX and SEO. When he’s not doing that, he jazzes it up in synthband.com, scares kids and normies in gurtrudestein.com, and stretches boundaries (of decency) in icurd.com. Though he earned a degree in pre-theology, he is an irreligious, recovering, fundamentalist Unitarian Universalist. His mother is Jewish, so that makes Dan Jewish, to some. #religion

Tap Tremolo Pedal Comparison/Guide

29 Jul

When this UX snob of a pedal junkie caught the tremolo bug, he started referring to himself in the third person and made a spreadsheet comparing 30+ different tap tremolo pedals. …Then he blogged about it.

If you’re lazy or impatient, use these links to skip to a juicier section of the tremolo pedal roundup. But keep in mind: my trem criteria, while not so odd, might not be the same as yours.

  1. What is tremolo?
  2. My tremolo criteria
  3. Other tap tempo trem features to consider
  4. Results: Best tap tremolo pedals
  5. The 30 tap tempo tremolo shootout chart

Quick Intro: Different types of tremolo?

Tremolo, in the classical sense, is a rhythmic wavering of a note. E.g. like that produced by a violinist rapidly shaking the bow hand. But then some doofus decided to call the electric guitar vibrato system “tremolo,” a misnomer which caused a few generations of guitar wankers to not understand what tremolo means. (“Whammy bar” is a much better name for guitar vibrato, anyhow).

In the effect pedal sense, which is why we’re all here, there are two main types of tremolo.

Amplitude tremolo changes the volume of the signal at a specified speed and depth. From abrupt on-off-on-off square-wave chop, to a subtle waveform barely imparting a warble, and everything between.

Harmonic tremolo chops the signal in half, treble (high pitches) and bass (low-end), and modulates them out of phase with each other. …Which is to say, it’s more of a tonal wobbling.

All of the pedals in this tremolo pedal roundup can do amplitude tremolo; a few of them can also do harmonic tremolo. So if you’re stuck on a harmonic tap trem, your choice is much easier.

Tap Tempo Trem Criteria

First I thought I wanted a tremolo pedal with the ability to control the tremolo speed via an expression pedal, but I quickly realized that easy, onboard tap tempo was more important. As I dug deeper, I found other things I cared about. You likely have at least slightly different tremolo criteria.

To be considered a contender for my tremolo affections, a pedal has to have all of these features:

  • Dedicated, onboard tap
    Pedals with dual-purpose tap buttons aren’t welcome here. TC Electronic Pipeline Tap Tremolo and Line 6 Tap Tremolo both use tap buttons for other commonly used tasks. Sure, it allows for a smaller pedal footprint, but usability suffers.

Tap tremolo pedals relying solely on an external tap button or expression pedal were similarly nixed. (Entries from: Moog, Strymon, Supro, Earthquaker Devices, and Source Audio)

And the Ernie Ball Expression Tremolo pedal also fails to make the cut, but it’s an expression pedal form factor, so if that’s your thing, check it out. Oh, and Matthews Effects The Conductor v2 loses here because they inexplicably put the tap right next to other controls. …I don’t want to stomp on a knob. With the Conductor, you probably will.

  • Dotted subdivision/interval (or a way to fake it)
    Sometimes it’s fun to do rhythmic things that don’t fall on a downbeat, an upbeat, or the “and” between them. Enter the dotted eighth note tremolo subdivision.

Scant few tremolo pedals have native dotted divisions. (See the spreadsheet. First link in this post, above).

We can bend most other tap trem pedals to our dotted whimsies by setting the div to “triplet” and then tapping half-time. (On the one and three, instead of on all four beats).  …Which is good enough for me, in a pinch.

But a scant few candidates failed completely here, e.g. the Fulltone Supa-Trem2 and the otherwise lauded Zvex Sonar.

  • Volume knob
    People often mention a perceived drop in volume when using amplitude tremolo. Most candidates use some sort of clean boost/gain knob to counter that.

But the Dedalo Tres Tap Tremolo Pedal does not have a volume knob.

  • Dedicated rate and div knobs
    The fewer different parameters a knob is responsible for, the smoother the user experience. Effect pedal UX is especially important for me because I often have friends using pedals, and I loathe doing technical support when I could be making noise with people.

Several high-profile tap trem pedals fail here by combining rate and div into one knob. …And I can’t even fathom that “saving space” was a real concern, because they then need to add another controller to switch the function of the rate/div knob. If you’re always going to use it one way or the other, then you might not care about this. But I sometimes use my pedal boards for noise projects, and lazy me can’t be bothered to deal with the design shortcomings of: Empress Tremolo 2, Seymour Duncan Shapeshifter, Copilot Polypus, et al.

  • Easy access to shape shifting
    Want to go from a mellow sine wave to a mad-blinky square chop, on the fly? Me too!

This is another place the Zvex Sonar doesn’t shine; it can only change wave shapes via hidden controls. I.e. you have to hold down a “shift” button and use a knob for this unlabeled purpose.

  • Reasonable power requirements
    Almost every trem pedal passed the bar here, but the Stone Deaf Tremotron fails twofold.

It requires a whopping 300ma of power and their website claims it’s picky about voltage. They say it doesn’t work with a Truetone 1 Spot power supply. …One of the most popular, high-amperage 9v power supplies. No thanks.

  • Other UX concerns
    Many features on the Chase Bliss Gravitas Tremolo pedal require flipping the pedal around to toggle one of its umpteen dip switches.

E.g. you have to pick between having access to subdivisions 1,2,4 OR 3,6,8 via a dip switch. Want to go from harmonic to amplitude mode? Yep. Dipswitch. Etc. Yes, you can sort of work around this using presets and/or midi, but that’s not what I’m looking for in tremolo UX.

  • Availability
    As of initial publication, two pedals on the list are lingering in development hell. The Luma Trueno and Coda Effects Montagne bot look great, but they’re both still preorder only. Some pedals (Waves, Semaphore) are discontinued and hard to come by. Not going to seriously contemplate something I probably can’t get.

Please note: As I eliminated pedals from contention via the criteria above, I usually stopped gathering data for the chaff. So there are several holes in the tap tempo pedal chart. (Send me a note if you want to add any data).

Other Tremolo Pedal Features to Consider

The features above were all chopping blocks for my decision process. The trem options below are added bonuses, frosting on the cake.

  • Tap once to re-sync
    I don’t know if I’d use it, but being able to synchronize the pedal to the downbeat of the “1” might come in handy.
  • External tap jack
    Maybe you want your trem high on the back of your pedal board, but want the tap tempo button easily mashable down in front.
  • Expression pedal jack
    Some control one parameter, some pedals can map an expression pedal to control one of many functions. Some can control many at once.
  • Rhythms or patterns
    Some trem mix it up with stock patterns. Some let you create and store your own. Some even have step sequencer-like controls of each beat with dedicated knobs.
  • Harmonic trem
    Want to switch from amplitude to harmonic mode, and back? No problem, for a few tremolo pedals out there.
  • Hold a button for added functionality
    Some tremolo pedals emulate a Leslie speaker brake when you hold down the tap button. Others use the tap tempo momentary switch as a kill switch or div-doubler when you hold it down. Some trem pedals turn the on/off switch into a momentary on-switch when held. Others still, use these pedals for saved preset controls.
  • Other features?
    Yep. Some trems have tone control knobs. Want to skew waveform symmetry? There’s a pedal or two for you. Dedicated space/duty controls? Yep. You can find that. Want to sync via VC or midi? Use your pedal as a global clock for other gear? Do you need stereo ping-ponging tremolo? Do you want built-in distortion or reverb? Yeah, well, there’s a pedal that can do that. …But it might not be able to do all the other stuff you want. #priorities

Results: The Best Tap Tremolo Pedals

Don’t mind a large enclosure with tons of features and 15 buttons/knobs, that might be more than you need?

ehx super-pulsarGet the Electro-Harmonix Super Pulsar.

Pros: Features galore. Checks more boxes than any other tap-trem effect pedal on the market. Available far below suggested retail on eBay.

Cons: All those features come at a cost. At almost 5″x6″, it’s considerably larger than the other tremolo pedals in this roundup, so make sure you have space on your board. Unknown UX. While seemingly intuitively laid out, I’d have to play with one before I signed off on calling the 15 controls an optimized user experience.

Want simplicity, with no negatives and a few funky bonuses?

diamond-tremolo-pedal-300x300Get the Diamond TRM1 Tremolo.

Pros: It checks all the requisite boxes with a couple of bonus amenities (two rhythm patterns, kill switch, etc.) using only seven controls. …Which means it’s simpler than most. #UX
I liked the sound of its “chaotic” interval with a hard square waveform.

Cons: That simplicity comes at a cost. The Diamond Tremolo lacks extra features some may want: external control jacks, true dotted intervals, etc.

Want a smaller, stereo tap tremolo with a decent feature set?

s447163914514069377_p18_i10_w640Get the Swindler Red Mountain.

Pros: The best feature set in a small-ish (less than 3″x5″) pedal enclosure. Red Mountain stores one preset/favorite for later recall. Stutter mode. Stereo ping-pong. Etc.

Cons: Doesn’t have any rhythm settings, so you’re stuck with basic on-off-on-off pattern. Worth noting, because it’s the only non-harmonic tremolo in this top tier without that feature. Plain-Jane white paint with black text will be pure minimalist bliss for some, but others will call it boring-looking. You might be able to find the discontinued “Signature” model, if you’re looking for something a little flashier.

Want harmonic tremolo more than you care about other criteria?

Get the Walrus Monument or the Drolo Twin Peaks.

twinpeaks-monument-duo

I’ll preface by saying both the Monument and Twin Peaks are up here in the rarefied air because of their harmonic tremolo options. They’re both great pedals, but they don’t tick as many of my criteria boxes as the pedals above, (or as many as some that didn’t even make the cut). They do however tick enough of the right boxes so they’d both be in the runner-up section (below) even if they lacked the harmonic switch.

Pros: The Monument is the simpler layout of the two harmonic tremolo finalists. But the Twin Peaks v4 offers tone and wave symmetry controls, if you prefer those features to a less dense control panel. Both come in geologic-themed tri-color designs, perhaps a breath of artsy fresh air on your board, compared to the options above.

Cons: Both the Monument and Twin Peaks lack rhythmic patterns. Neither has native dotted subdivisions, but because both have a triplet setting, you can fake it by tapping half-time. For me, the extra knobs on the Twin Peaks are (probably) more noise than signal; I wouldn’t use them much.

The other honorable mentions in this tap tempo tremolo comparison go to…

In no particular order:

  • Wampler Latitude Deluxe
  • Cusack Tap-A-Whirl
  • Dawner Prince Starla

Even if your criteria is close to mine, you might find something about one of these to tickle your tremolo fancy. Look into them.

Many tap tremolo pedals not favorably noted in this review are great pedals beloved by countless people. I know that, and I don’t discount their quality and utility at all. They’re just not what I want in a trem. (Which is far from saying I wouldn’t use one if somebody gave me one!)

Is your tremolo pedal criteria vastly different from mine? You should check out the reddit comment thread about this tremolo roundup wherein people discuss other options. E.g. if you’re into menu-driven multi-effect options like the Modfactor, MD500, Mobius, etc.

Here’s a link to that spreadsheet again. Check it out.

spreadsheet

Thanks for reading.

.


Dan Dreifort consults on UX and SEO when he’s not making noise with pedals and friends. His favorite color is pizza.

Guide: Comparing Arpeggiator Pedals

18 Oct
arpeggiator-pedals-roundup

Tararira, PitchGrinder, AARP, Arpanoid & More!

Wherein Dan talks himself into buying one via this arpeggiator pedal roundup/shootout. (Spoiler alert: I bought the Tararira.)

What is an arpeggiator pedal?

An arpeggiator is a sequencer. A sequencer plays a series of sounds based on a source and parameters set by you, the user/musician. In the case of an arpeggiator pedal, the “source” is whatever you plug into it: guitar, bass guitar, synth, toy, etc. The parameters are the pedal knobs and buttons, controlling things like: pitch, tempo, order, steps, scale, key, etc. We’ll leave it at that for now.

Why do I want one?

Keep in mind: My criteria for an arpeggiator are likely different than yours. That said, they’re fun. I recently picked up an Electro-Faustus Drone Thing, and this guy seems to have fun pairing it with arpeggiators, so…

EarthQuaker Devices Arpanoid

First I saw the Earthquaker Arpanoid. (Link immediately above). I wanted it.

Its small size and lack of a zillion knobs and whistles belie its nifty factor. However, it lacks a few things I’m looking for: per-note/step pitch control, CV or midi control, tap tempo, etc. And because it lacks features, it doesn’t so much arppegiate as it plays scales. At $225, it’s definitely ‘affordable’ in this lineup.

“But what else is out there?” I wondered.

Cooper FX AARP

I fell hard for the Cooper FX AARP (v1) when I saw that same dude playing with it.

AARP stands for Automatic Arpeggiated Repeating Patterns, which seems redundant, right? Also questionable product naming, what with the AARP being a 38-million-member thing, and all. Regardless, the AARP v1 has almost everything I want: tap tempo, eight pitch knobs, etc.

While looking for one, I learned about the upcoming AARP v2, but I’m not as attracted to its menu-driven interface (vs. all the knobbies on the older version.)

Regardless, both AARPs are currently unavailable, and you have to be on your Instagram game to snag one from the limited supply when v2 is released circa Q4 2017 or Q1 2018. Price unknown, but certainly higher than the v1’s $275 price tag.

Dwarfcraft Devices PitchGrinder

At $350, it’s not the most affordable option, and while I like that it crunches the signal down to 8-bit awesomeness, it lacks some features I want (external control, pattern control diversity, etc.). Another cool bit about the PitchGrinder: Its “Glide” knob acts as a portamento effect, controlling whether the pedal jumps or glides from pitch to pitch.

Hologram Dream Sequence

$425. It’s much more than an arpeggiator, but I’m not looking for more-than-an-arpeggiator, and I don’t want to spend that much. Furthermore, the UI isn’t setup for a great arpeggiating UX, if you know what I mean.

But it has midi in and out, and an assignable expression pedal insert, and it’s feature-rich. So maybe it’s your jam?

Bananana Effects Tararira

$269 + $20 shipping. This one might be my jam. It doesn’t break the bank – at least in this space, and speaking of space, it’s small, which is a plus. Each of the eight steps is knob controllable. …And if we’re grading on quantity of buttons and knobs, the Tararira is the clear winner, scoring a whopping 19 in the controller bells and whistles column.

^That was my original blurb on the Tararira. Then I bought it. Additional thoughts:

The Bananana Effects Tararira is everything I hoped it would be. (Fun and weird!) It has just about everything I want in an arpeggiator pedal. But if you want me to nitpick, I could say this:

bananana-tararira-arpeggiator

Added rubber feet for traction.

Par for the course with boutique pedals these days, the bottom of the Tararira is plain ole metal. I added four rubber feet to help it stay in place a little.

The scale, step and divider knobs are smooth-spinning, without a tactile hint when you spin to another value. …So you kind of have to visually know where the knobs are, which is tough because they’re small and black, with scant visual cue as to which number value/setting they’re pointing. I plan to remedy this with a little white paint and a tiny paintbrush, or something. If I find appropriately sized and calibrated clicky knobs, I might solder those in instead. But I doubt I’ll find any. Bananana Effects clearly had to make some minor sacrifices for the sake of size and cost. Worthy trade-offs for most consumers, I think.

I’ve no doubt I made the right choice in picking the Tararira. I look forward to many hours of noise-making weirdness with this pedal. You should get one.

 

Other arpeggiator pedals considered:

Eventide H9 – Billed as “a complete pedalboard in one pedal,” I find it way too separated from effect controls. If you want presets, this might be for you, but if you want knobbies, not so much. $399 + you may purchase/download additional algorithms (read:fx) for more $.

Line 6 RollerShifter – Near as I can tell, this is a custom-made Line 6 ToneCore module that was never available to purchase. It earned the nickname “talent simulator” on at least one pedal forum.

That’s it. I hope to get up the nerve to buy one of these toys soon. Thanks for reading!

 

 

Dan Dreifort consults on UX and SEO. He’s been in hardcore noise-punk band ‘Cat Shit’ for over a year now. Accordingly, he and pals are getting ready to scare trick-or-treaters with noise from: Microbrute, Theremini, Drone Thing, and guitar through sundry fx pedals on Halloween. #LureThemInWithCandy

 

A Long Acronym

9 Jul

 

I enjoy a good acronym or three. (correction: initialism, not acronym)

WOUB.org is putting the finishing touches on an article about my latest musical endeavor which is only relevant here because I strung three acronyms together this morning while politely refusing to stream one of my old songs along with the article.

“Naturally, if you just want it for personal use, I’d be happy to hook you with an OSJB OMG MP3”

To be fair, WOUB reporter Elliot Nicolson started the acronym abuse!

“Polishing up the Leave Corp article now. I was wondering, would it be possible that you send me an mp3 of Oh My God by OSJB?”

I wrote that song (OMG,) when I was 17, almost 22 years ago, just one short year after I finished my longest acronym.

C’mon. I dare you. Find a longer acronym, punk!

You won’t find it at AcronymFinder.com, but when I was a kid my friend and I would try to memorize really long acronyms of nonsensical pop culture phrases. I think I won when I could recite this doozy –

OMPYPPAEBFDWFDYMAHHCJBCHTPMPILISBCDCSDTDJL
OMDYACKKKJDTBCJBLOODYXTBGCOGODIDTDODAFNDO
TKOBRTBYGD

…Not saying I could do it in one breath, but I did it! I’m not going to bother counting that now, but according to 16-year-old me, that was a 94 character acronym.

I don’t know what all of it stands for, but here’s what I remember, (with the lost-to-us parts in parens.)

Osculate my posterior you pre-pubescent anal excretion. Big f*ckin’ deal. Whoopy f*ckin’ doo. Your mother and her howling commandos. (WBCHTP) My pistol is loaded. I shot Betty Crocker. Deliver Colonel Sanders down to Davey Jones’ locker. Ohio Meadville District Youth-Adult Committee.  (KKKJDTBCJBLOODYX) The black glove cult of gynecologists of death. (IDTDODAFNFO) The kingdom of big Rankin tape. (BYGD)

But what does it MEAN?!

Nothing.

Some of it is self-explanatory, like that first bit, which is long-winded douche-speak for, “Kiss my *ss you little sh*t.”

YMAHHC, (acronym pronounced Y-M-A-double-H-C) was my first band, named after a similarly named comic book.  The main character, Sgt. Nick Fury, is also the head of, S.H.I.E.L.D. Acronym coincidence? I think not.

Any hipster worth their salt will recognize a line from the Beastie Boys’ License to Ill, and I was an active member of the OMD-YAC, a Unitarian Universalist conference planning group.

Worst Fencing Club Name Ever

The Black Glove Cult of GOD was my fencing team. We each wore a single black glove and quickly got in trouble for our inappropriate name after posting flyers after-hours all over the high school. The mini-posters depicted a black glove surrounded by text, “The Black Glove Cult of G.O.D. – Join our ranks.”

School administration was certain beloved Shaker Heights High School had been infiltrated by a cult. They called an emergency early morning teacher meeting the next day for triage damage control wherein our honors English  teacher exclaimed, “Some kids in my class wear black gloves!”  We had to take down all of our flyers. 😦

TKOBRT is more convoluted. Mr. Rankin was an honors chemistry teacher. The tape was a roll of duct tape, duct-taped to the side of a bus in West Germany. The Kingdom consisted of band nerds on said bus. All kingdom dwellers got their own fancy title. I did NOT earn “Minister of Chill” but co-opted that title for my first business cards a decade later. TKOBRT even had a battle hymn/fight song. (With apologies to Alice Cooper.)

I wanna hit you with a really big stick. (BIG STICK!)
I wanna poke your eyes out with my favorite pocket knife. (POCKET KNIFE!)
Cuz you’re poison running through my veins.
I can’t stand the site of your brains.
You’re poison. And you smell bad too. I hate you.

I wrote none of that awesome garbage but I’m guilty of remembering it.

Dan Dreifort will be a bachelor for only another month or so, ladies. You missed your chance. For you, he would have recited an even longer acronym. Dan Dreifort makes little changes to companies’ websites to make those companies more money. He will be first against the wall come the revolution.

 

Cum on feel the noise

25 May

Need some good tunes? Bored with plain Jane kid music? This track is too precious. Maxwell “the silver hammer” Schoen, barely out of diapers, covers the Quiet Riot classic “Cum On Feel the Noise”. How many takes did this kid require to knock this one out of the park? One.

I particularly enjoy the guttural moans at just the right spots. Headbanger frontmen wannabes take note.

This is called a launch pad. Next stop… greatness. Download/Listen

Music Reviews

16 Feb

Dan Dreifort is a musician, but he’s also a wannabe writer and critic. He still loves referring to himself in the third person, but restrained and refrained while he wrote a weekly music column back in the late nineties… for the Athens News. Three long, thankless years. Alas, he digresses in the third person too.

Dan Dreifort has again started writing weekly music for the Anews again as part of the new feature, Ear Buds. He’s compiling the amazing Dan Dreifort music reviews for you. Just follow that last link.

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