Top 5 New Cat Food Flavors

The Itchy & Scratchy Game

Staring at the Oven Roasted Chicken Flavor DENTAL TREATS cats love! AKA Feline Greenies (TM), I pondered yet another in a long line of unoriginal thoughts: Why do we feed cats food flavored for humans?

The answer is two-fold.

1. We do not. Well, I’m reasonably sure we’re not feeding our cats food that’s flavored to please a human. That is to say, while I haven’t tried one of the crunchy green treats, I’m confident that it tastes nothing like Oven Roasted Chicken.

2. Regardless, the cat has no money. It doesn’t go shopping. It’s not putting 10% of its haul into its 401(k). They’re trying to sell the treats to crazy cat lady (played by me in this episode), not her cat.

So everything makes sense again in our consumer-happy world. You know, the one in which we US residents alone literally spend billions of dollars annually on our pets. Or does it? Let’s take cat food flavors to a new level of common sense.

Suggestions for new flavors of cat treats

  1. Mouse – Duh. It’s a cat classic. Mouse-flavored cat food is a no-brainer. Tom and Jerry. Herman and Katnip. Itchy and Scratchy. Your cat wants to vicariously live the adventures of those famous cat/mouse duos with every bite.
  2. Baby Bunny – Rabbits are the potato chip of the wild kingdom. They eat, they make those pellets, they sleep, they breed, they breed, they breed, and then they die – usually at the fangs of some hungry predator. And let’s face it, they’re none too smart, so most of them don’t even make it to adulthood. Or maybe, just maybe, baby bunnies just taste better. Yeah, we’ll go with that. Cat’s love munching on fresh baby bunny.
  3. Moth and Butterfly Mix – If you own both butterfly bush and feline, you know that delish comes from a chrysalis. That’s poetic license for: Cats like to eat butterflies. These tasty cat treats could have an appealing butterfly shape. You know, for kids!
  4. Wasabi Soy Sparrow – The sparrow, better known as feline sushi, pairs wonderfully with a little wasabi and soy. Add a dash of pickled ginger to clear the palate between bites. Your little kitty just loves eating birds.
  5. Crunchy Vole Surprise – Put a cat in a room with a single mouse and a single vole, and 90% of the time that cat’s going to head for the mouse first. Vole treats can be marketed to cats with a more discerning palate. Your cat is too good for mouse-flavored food. Let those commoner alley cats eat the mice. I’m a classy cat. I only eat vole.

Dan Dreifort takes a pill every day to control cat allergies. When he’s not writing about idealized cat treats he consults on usability, SEO, efficiency, and anything  else techy marketing-ish people want to know.

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